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W.I.T.C.H. season 1 episode 5 "A Service to The Community" transcript
Character Dialogue
[wind blows]
Prince Phobos The list you found of those born in the Earth town will help us refine our search, Cedric.
Lord Cedric It's strange that it's so hard to find one young girl.
Prince Phobos Not at all. She's inherited qualities of which even she is unaware. If I'm to steal her powers, her ignorance plays to my advantage.
Prince Phobos They won't have told my sister her identity. What used to be her protection is now my opportunity. Cedric, I have a mission for which you will need to pass as human.
Dean Collins [feedback]
Principal Knickerbocker Students, our newest history teacher, Professor Dean Collins.
Dean Collins Thank you. And good morning. I've been told Sheffield prides itself on sharpening young minds...
Uriah Dunn [sniffs] Score! Spearmint!
Dean Collins ...and developing your sense of community. That's why this year, we're going to hold Community Service Day a month early.
Cornelia Hale A month early?
Irma Lair A month early?
Uriah Dunn A month early?
Dean Collins I was impressed to hear you love community service so much that every year you rush to school early on sign-up day.
Elyon Of course we come early! Oh, man, I hate Community Service Day! I'll stand in the parking lot all night with a pen.
Taranee Cook Maybe I'll sleep in my locker.
Will Vandom Guys, what is Community Service Day?
Irma Lair OK. Tomorrow morning, there's gonna be a list on this board. 400 jobs for 400 kids.
Cornelia Hale Out of those, maybe ten won't totally stink.
Hay Lin And the last kids to sign up get the most gag-o-riffic ones.
Will Vandom It can't be that bad.
Cornelia Hale Oh, no? Try monkey bar scraper at the zoo.
Cornelia Hale [shrieks] That's not a banana, it's my hair! Eugh! Eugh! Eugh! Bad monkey! Bad! Bad! Bad!
Irma Lair OK, you had it easy. I was a sewer ladder painter.
Irma Lair [shrieks] Eugh! Gross!
[rat squeaks]
Will Vandom OK, got it. Get here early. Mom, did you get a phone call while making the soup?
Susan Vandom How do you know? Honey, uh... What would you think if I started dating?
Will Vandom Urgh! If you meet a nice guy, I wouldn't feed him any home-cooked meals right away.
Lord Cedric I have adopted a human's identity in their town.
Prince Phobos The search for the girl will go faster now. When they write our family history, hers will be a short but eventful chapter. Time for you to pay another visit.
Lord Cedric [rumbling]
Dean Collins [doorbell] Good evening, Will.
Will Vandom Professor Collins? Whatever you're here to tell Mom, I'd appreciate 15 minutes to think of an excuse.
Dean Collins [chuckles] Oh, it's nothing like that. Good evening, Susan.
Susan Vandom Dean! Hi!
Will Vandom Susan? Dean?
Dean Collins Your mom joined the PTA but she missed the last two meetings.
Susan Vandom So I asked Dean to bring over the material. Why don't we talk in here?
[birds squawk]
Cornelia Hale [beeping] Let's say... 6am.
Lilian Hale Mom says you've got to play Wobbly Wobbly Walrus with me.
Cornelia Hale Beat it, shrimp. I'm going to bed early. And if you do anything to ruin my sleep, I will personally drop-kick you into the wolf pit at the zoo.
Lilian Hale You're mean!
Cornelia Hale I'm not mean. Wolves are mean. Go!
[crickets chirrup]
Hay Lin Hey, guys, what did you get?
Taranee Cook Sealing envelopes at City Hall. Yeah! Easy street.
Hay Lin Will and I are painting over graffiti. Martin got dumpster-scrubber.
Elyon Have any of you seen Cornelia?
Cornelia Hale [yawns] Uh? [screams]
Lilian Hale Mom, can I have Cornelia's pancakes? I don't think she'll have time to eat them.
Cornelia Hale If I were you, I'd get into the Federal Sister Protection Programme.
Lilian Hale Gee, I wonder what's left on the community service list?
[woman] Children! Children, this is Cornelia.
They have behaviour issues. [claps] Cornelia's going to read to you. What book have you chosen?
Cornelia Hale The Little Sister Who, From Today On, Wished She'd Never Been Born.
Lovely. Good luck.
[toy squeaks]
Taranee Cook [slurping] Fithe minuteth, then I fold and you lick.
Irma Lair I licked for two hourth thith morning. We had to thteam my lipth open.
Taranee Cook Look on the bright thide. We ate tho much glue, we don't need to buy lunth.
Dean Collins Hi, girls.
Hello, Profethor Collinth.
Dean Collins You are using the special sponge tongues, aren't you?
Thponge tongueth?
Look! She's outer space!
Cornelia Hale This is still better than last year.
Hay Lin You're in a grumpy mood.
Will Vandom You would be too, if your mom was making goo-goo eyes at your history teacher.
Hay Lin Yeah? Go Will's mom! Teenagers come here to make out. Will your mom come here with Collins?
Will Vandom My life is over.
Hay Lin Hey, Will. What kind of writing is that?
Will Vandom [grunts]
Hay Lin Will, are you OK? Will! Then she saw this weird writing and wham! She went down like a sack of potatoes.
Yan Lin What did this writing look like?
Hay Lin I copied it.
Yan Lin These letters are not from this world.
Caleb I've seen this writing in the castle but I can't read it.
Irma Lair Where ith thee? Is thee all right?
Will Vandom I'm fine. What's wrong with your voice?
Taranee Cook We'th been licking envelopth.
Hay Lin Aren't you supposed to use those sponge tongues?
Caleb I know who can translate this. But we have to visit the Infinite City.
Hay Lin It was right here.
Taranee Cook What's that on your cheek?
Cornelia Hale The Big Dipper. Don't ask.
Will Vandom The portal must be close by. There! What's that? Guardians unite! There.
Irma Lair Do you know what David Copperfield would pay for this?
Will Vandom Something's coming through.
Irma Lair Huh? [shrieks] Water!
Taranee Cook Fire!
Hay Lin Air!
Cornelia Hale Earth!
Blunk [coughs] Dragon nostrils. Trade for girly wings. Good deal, yes?
Cornelia Hale Dragon nostrils?
Blunk Make good hat. Once it stop smoking.
Hay Lin Hm. Guess I don't need this anymore.
Irma Lair I think we've found Blunk's vacation home.
Caleb In here.
Taranee Cook Uh... In where?
Caleb Nobody knows who built the Infinite City. In 4,000 years, no one's found an end to it in any direction. [clunk]
Cornelia Hale More stairs? Don't you have, like, some kind of stone escalator?
Caleb Girls! Ancient One, we need your help.
Mage Ah, you are the Guardians of the Veil.
Will Vandom Yes, sir. Yes, ma'am.
Mage And the message? Ah, the writing of the beasts.
Hay Lin What does it say? "You are still undetected. Begin your search for the girl."
Mage A beast is in your town in human form. It will try to get close to you, Guardians.
Dean Collins Good evening, Will.
Will Vandom Professor Collins?
Dean Collins Good evening, Susan.
Susan Vandom Dean!
Will Vandom How can you tell them from humans?
Mage Touch a beast with the Heart of Kandrakar and it shows its true form.
Irma Lair You're serious? Professor Collins?
Cornelia Hale He's, like, too boring to be evil.
Caleb Who is this Collins?
Taranee Cook Will's history teacher.
Will Vandom We know that Phobos is looking for a teenage girl in our town. What if it's me? Say I'm one of his scouts. How do I get close to Earth girls?
Hay Lin Become a box of doughnuts!
Will Vandom Get a job as a teacher.
Taranee Cook Oh, wow! And then check out my possible targets one at a time.
Caleb But, if he's from Meridian...
Will Vandom OK. My mom's attractive in a funky old-person kind of way, But unless he's an evil beast, why would Collins talk to her?
Caleb How'd he know enough Earth history to teach it?
Cornelia Hale It explains why he made Community Day earlier.
Irma Lair To separate us and watch us one at a time.
Hay Lin We should follow him.
Caleb Girls, let me suggest another plan.
[bell jingles]
[car horn]
[bell jingles]
Will Vandom What did he buy?
Hay Lin Glue.
Caleb Glue for what?
Cornelia Hale Glue to stick on his realistic rubber human face.
Caleb [groans]
[car horn]
Hay Lin Live crickets. Like two pounds of them!
Taranee Cook That's way too much for fishing.
Irma Lair But not too much to eat.
[all] Eugh!
Will Vandom No wonder he liked my mom's cooking!
Caleb Maybe he's got a pet lizard.
Cornelia Hale Yeah, right.
Will Vandom I don't want to judge somebody before all the evidence is in...
Me neither. Of course.
Will Vandom But Collins is a face-gluing, bug-eating brain-sucker!
Hello! Well, duh! Definitely.
Caleb Why am I even here?
Hay Lin We've gotta go to Will's house right now.
Caleb We don't even know this guy's coming here.
Irma Lair What do you need to see? His monster ID card?
Dean Collins What is that?
Cornelia Hale Not so fast, brain-sucker.
Irma Lair Didn't expect that, did you, buddy?
Dean Collins [groans]
Cornelia Hale Have a seat.
Hay Lin [wind howls]
Dean Collins [grunts]
Will Vandom Let's see what you look like with green skin and a tail.
Dean Collins [groans]
Hay Lin This is really glued on tight!
Cornelia Hale What is it? Being Evil for Dummies?
Taranee Cook It's information on the Sheffield PTA.
Cornelia Hale Phobos joined the PTA?
Will Vandom I don't think so. But my mom did.
Caleb I think the phrase you're all searching for is... "You were right, Caleb."
Cornelia Hale It serves him right for that surprise test last week.
Will Vandom Let's get him home so he can sleep it off.
Caleb I tried to warn 'em. But hey, girls. It's like talking to firewood.
Will Vandom I can't believe we zapped our teacher.
Hay Lin We did. See? He's right here.
Irma Lair Hay Lin, it's an expression.
Hay Lin Oh, like "There's a police car"?
Taranee Cook That's not an expression.
Hay Lin No, but there's a police car.
[all gasp]
Dean Collins [delirious laughter]
Irma Lair Wow. Mrs Carraldo has a swimming pool.
Hay Lin Look! He's dreaming he's swimming.
Caleb Gee, now he's wet, maybe his glued-on face will come off easier.
Will Vandom Hay Lin, what does his drivers licence say?
Hay Lin He's 5'10" and he needs to wear glasses.
Will Vandom His address, Hay Lin!
Hay Lin Oh, Cedar Terrace.
Taranee Cook That's five miles from here, uphill. Can't we transform and fly him?
Caleb Hey. You're only supposed to transform for emergencies.
Irma Lair What do you call pushing an unconscious man uphill in a wheelbarrow at midnight?
Dean Collins [groans]
Irma Lair Sorry.
Caleb Unnecessary, if you'd listened to me.
Will Vandom At least nothing can go wrong up here.
Hay Lin Wow! The Martins own a trampoline!
Irma Lair And a swimming pool.
[dogs bark]
Taranee Cook And dogs.
Will Vandom Uh... Collins, seventh floor.
[whoosh] [girls groan]
Dean Collins [jabbers]
[bell pings] Oh, is that our Mr Collins? When are you going to show me that dance move you promised?
Will Vandom He was just showing us, right, girls?
Irma Lair No.
Will Vandom And one, and two... You go, sir!
Hay Lin Ah, he looks so peaceful.
Irma Lair He should have five girls zap him unconscious more often.
Taranee Cook The cricket mystery solved. Mr Scales.
Irma Lair If anyone tells Caleb he was right about this, she is out of the group!
Will Vandom OK, we lock the door, fly out the window, have his car towed and put the papers in his desk. He'll think he dreamed it.
Taranee Cook What about his clothes?
Cornelia Hale Release the crickets and the lizard so he thinks Mr Scales ripped them?
Will Vandom That's crazy! Do it.
[crickets chirrup]
[school bell]
Elyon Are you OK, Professor Collins?
Dean Collins Last night, I dreamt I was attacked by evil fairies.
Cornelia Hale Oh! I have that dream all the time.
Dean Collins And when I woke up, my lizard was trying to eat me.
Will Vandom Everything cool? So our only problem now is, if Collins wasn't the beast, who is?
Cornelia Hale I'm back! And today, I have a special surprise for you. When you kids are older, you'll learn about something called community service. But you're all going to start right now. As you and my darling sister lick these 48,750 envelopes. And no, we don't have any sponge tongues.
Will Vandom So, Mom, you were never interested in Mr Collins?
Susan Vandom Please. He's so unreliable. He was supposed to drop off some papers but he never showed.
Will Vandom You know, I don't mind you dating.
Irma Lair [gulps] Maybe a nice short-order cook?
Susan Vandom Who has time? I've got an emergency block meeting. Seems some weirdo's been swimming in all the neighbourhood pools. [door closes]
Lord Cedric [growls]